Chapter 90: Forging the Guardian Soul for the Master

Page 1 of 3
The underwear matter was not truly serious, because Wangchuan had believed me.
He believed me, so what I suffered was only a sharp, humiliating sting in that moment.

Each time we made love, Wangchuan would also say things that made me feel ashamed, and this time was much the same.
But there was one difference: this time my mind was not clear, and I could not even make out his face properly.

I had, with my own hands, ended a baby in my own womb.
I said I did not want to, that I did not wish to give birth, because I was afraid.
Wangchuan said carrying a feral beast was painful, and that I should endure some hardship.
He was worried about me… yet I—

The more I thought about it, the lower my spirits sank. What was the point of thinking so much?
For a master like Wangchuan, one or two cubs might mean nothing.
But I had never heard of anyone ever giving birth for him.
That strong child, as powerful as Wangchuan, strong enough to tear leather for its mother, had truly grown inside my belly.
And I… I just…
“Uh…” I ended up burying my face and crying.

What right did I have to cry?
It was I, Iron Fang, who kept telling Wangchuan: “I don’t like this child. I don’t want it!”
But I was only afraid. I was only afraid of pregnancy! I only meant to throw a little tantrum… I…

The more I thought, the more I felt my reason was so misplaced. Could I blame Wangchuan for not understanding me?
No, I could not.

He understood me. He only needed me to say I liked him, and when I said I had never met Huo Luo, he believed me and reached for my hand.
And me?

As a master, Wangchuan had no fault. He was good to his kittens—so good that I had begun to think I was no longer a cat.
As a man, Wangchuan was also blameless; he was sincere, he took my feelings into account, and in the end he even asked whether I meant it.

But humans are not like animals. How strange the human mind can be!
I had been terrified even then. Why did I never tell him I was only acting?
Even if I had knelt before him and said I was wrong, I still would not have lost the baby.

In the days after, my head was full of this alone.
At first I blamed Wangchuan, but by the end I realized everything was my fault.
Wangchuan stayed by me, protected me, kept telling me things; yet I never listened, and in the end I even threatened him with the child and brought up Huo Luo again.
I knew he loathed Huo Luo the most, and still I claimed I was his fiancée.

All these things piled upon one another. During that period, all I did was sleep, until the news came.

That morning I came back hollow and dazed, for I had gone out for a little walk, breathing fresh air.
It is something I do every morning now; I never used to.
Now each morning I go out for air, return to drink water, sleep, wake to eat, then go out again to watch the sunset.
Back home, sometimes I sleep, sometimes I stay awake staring until dawn.

Page 2 of 3
Time had become strangely steady and full, because once I was idle I would spiral into wild thoughts.
Yet even then, I could not stop my mind from racing.

Xiaoyun came while I was lying by the window, drinking water.
That morning I saw Xiaomi and Yubao walking together, Xiaomi’s belly rounded, swaying heavily.
Because Wangchuan did not reproach them, Xiaomi no longer struck Yubao; instead, she happily waited to become a mother.
The joy on their faces filled me with bitterness.

That bitterness seemed to reach my tongue; even when I licked the water, it tasted bitterer than usual.

After Xiaoyun came in, she said Wangchuan needed to perform Soul-shaping and all the Guardian Cats were to gather.
When she called my name, I stood stunned for a long while.
Could I see Wangchuan? Could I still see him? How?

There were ten Guardian Cats in total, and while I was away, four more had been recruited. With ten cats, none could be missing.
Should I be grateful that Wangchuan had not stripped me down again to become a soul-devouring cat, leaving me this chance to see him?

The moment I saw Wangchuan again, I was briefly dazed.
Standing among the kittens, I no longer considered myself special.
After living so long in Wangchuan’s home, I had thought I had become his girlfriend, but it was not so.
Even with all the tenderness he gave me, with what he did to me as a man and as a master, I was no different from the other kittens.

When he entered, he had not changed at all. He still strode in with majestic certainty, not even looking down at the kittens on the floor.
That untamed mouth had no warmth, no playful lift as when he used to tease me.
Many kittens clinked behind him, each with bottles hanging at their sides, dots of light all around him.

Because of me, the Soul-shaping had been delayed for such a long time.
Thinking so, I lowered my head; perhaps from poor sleep, a dizziness came over me.
I shook it off and raised my head to look at Wangchuan.

This was my first time serving as Guardian.
Why did this have to be done in such a state, when I had no spirit at all to gather myself, and without even a prior warning?
And when I saw Wangchuan, my heart began to hurt with a fierce, twisting pain, as if someone were wringing it from inside.

So choking, so swollen, I almost wanted to claw at my chest and rip out my heart to see what was happening.
But I did not cry. To cry now would be too humiliating.
At the same time, inside I berated myself—why was I still so stubborn?

Page 3 of 3
Wangchuan had once asked me why, after all this, I was still so stubborn.
For a pet, one should not possess stubbornness, yet as a human I cannot discard my human mind.
Though I am now half-human, half-cat, I was once wholly human. That cannot be changed.

I had never gone through something like this before. Most of the kittens present were also experiencing it for the first time.
Rebecca stood not far away. Since she had been restored to her former rank, Rebecca still managed all the kittens.
But since I saw her, I had not spoken to her once; I kept turning over that matter in my thoughts.
And because I had no evidence by which to accuse her, I could only meet and remain silent.
After all, there had been grievances before, and when Rebecca saw me she said nothing. We were like strangers who had never met.

Yubao, kind-hearted, saw me so shattered and came over with a sympathetic sigh to comfort me.
He said, if there is a problem, solve it; if you have a thought, tell Wangchuan. He will know.

But I only shook my head.
In such a state I could not tell him what was in my heart.
I had no face to speak to him, either. That child would forever remain a wedge between me and Wangchuan.

People say lovers cannot remain friends after parting: they can never meet again as though nothing had happened, and once you have loved, to meet again is only pain.
But I, now under Wangchuan, am forced to stand before him and guard him.
This feeling I have for him is beyond words.

Seeing my nerves, Yubao smiled gently and reassured me, saying that shaping Wangchuan’s soul was not terribly difficult.
Wangchuan will actively absorb the souls that have fled, and then those souls enter his body.
If it is called Soul-shaping, that means Wangchuan is shaping his own soul.
His base form is a Qiongqi, so in shaping his soul he would inevitably become that form.

Yubao told me not to be too afraid when we see Wangchuan’s true form; it would last only a moment, and for me as a guardian, it was only that one instant.

Wangchuan might, in that instant, descend into frenzy or some danger may arise; as long as the ten kittens shared the burden of that soul’s pressure, nothing would go wrong.
In hundreds of years, only once has it gone wrong—the time Rebecca nearly died saving Wangchuan—so there is little to fear.

I nodded, but still felt afraid.
Then the time came and all the cats entered the hall.
I stood at the back, seeing Wangchuan enter through the doorway, bare from the waist up, perhaps to make changing form easier, and sit with quiet grace at the center of a round altar.
Rebecca, beneath the altar, looked at me and gave an unreadable smile.
The ten Guardian Cats gathered around.
The flasks opened.
Soul-shaping began.