Chapter Eighty-Six: Stay Home and Have Babies

What? Mating? Underwear? Youluo? Male?

Those words struck my head one after another, leaving me blinking dazedly for a long while without reacting.

Was that the reason Lethe had treated me this way?

By then, his anger had only grown. He clenched his teeth and the fingers gripping my chin pressed with terrifying force.

Those fingers that could crush a metal buckle were now pinching my jaw, making me writhe in helpless protest.

"Master... it hurts..." My wrists were tied, so I could not move away; I could only dodge a little and plead.

"It hurts?" He gave a cold laugh. "More than it hurts me?"

"You..."

I bit my lip, only to see him truly let go and instead lay one hand across my face.

"Why do you never listen to me? Why do you betray me? Is mating something anyone can have from you?"

Lethe rubbed my cheek with a tenderness that seemed almost heartfelt, his voice softer than usual.

Yet the words he spoke crashed down on me like a storm.

"No, no—I didn't!"

I was frightened. Though it was true that I had wandered about and not obeyed him, I had done so because everyone said he was very weak, and I was afraid he would worry. And besides, I was indeed more afraid of Master, so I had hidden it.

But how could I possibly have any intimate behavior with anyone other than him?

Even if my body would allow it... my heart would not...

Long ago... long, long ago...

"Do you still like mating with your own kind? But he isn't human either... Why would you do that? Do you love him? The love you speak of?"

"No!" I answered at once, loudly.

Lethe seemed bewildered, perhaps trying to understand what I meant by love.

Animals do not need love. I knew Lethe well enough to understand that he had never told me he liked me, nor that he loved me.

And yet sometimes I could feel it.

Every time, he would try his best to treat me gently, as though he were always touching a fragile doll. That, too, was love!

I was loving him in the same way... bearing him.

But I had never said I loved him.

"No love? Then just wantonness?" After a long while, he frowned and came to such a conclusion. "Humans... think they abide by rules and decorum, but in their hearts they are still beasts that long for different males, are they not?"

"This is going too far... I... I may no longer count as human..."

Suspended there, I suddenly felt very weak.

Deep down, I had long understood my own submission, long since begun to think of myself as a cat...

Whether in the way I lived, moved, and behaved, or in my dependence on my master.

I was only a cat.

"An animal?" Lethe laughed again and reached out to pinch my chin, though unexpectedly gently this time. "Female animals choose the most powerful, strongest males. Because I have been weak lately, you went to think about someone else? Not even a moment's patience? Yet I have not left you lonely... Or are you simply incapable of ever being satisfied?"

"What are you saying!" I was a little angry at that. "I only lost a pair of... underwear... It was my fault... I should not have disobeyed you and gone out... but I..."

"You are the most convincing actress I have ever seen. Humans are so skilled at pretending. Why do you still need to deceive me?"

"How am I deceiving you!"

Perhaps it was the gloom on Lethe's face that hurt me. He looked as though he himself were in pain. And yet why did those same lips keep speaking such wounding words?

I did not understand. I could not understand.

He was so powerful. Could he not tell whether I had been with anyone else or not?

I froze all at once.

So powerful...?

He was only a strong male beast, after all. Perhaps his sense of smell was keen; perhaps he was formidable in battle... but his feelings were the same as mine.

I looked up at him. It was still that bewitching, wicked, perfectly beautiful face, but in those deep blue-black eyes there was only desolation and indifference.

Then, abruptly, he stepped closer and pinned me against the wall, his massive body nearly crushing me flat.

He lifted my chin with one hand and forced me to keep looking at him, though his words were still furious and proud.

"Do you think you can betray me? Even if it is only for the sake of reproduction, you can only stay by my side!"

"I did not! Ah!"

Just as I was about to explain, I suddenly sensed something strange. His hand—could it be...

"A damp scent, a reaction every creature has? So impatient to mate? He did not satisfy you?"

Pressed against me, Lethe narrowed his eyes. His tone was as soft as though coaxing a lover, yet there was not the slightest warmth in it, only a chill that remained frightening.

There were no tender kisses or embraces, only fierce handling.

And what was most humiliating was that, as long as it was him, no matter what he did to me, I would still feel... ashamed, and unable to control myself.

"I'm not... I only... toward you..." I bit my lip and tried to explain.

"Such sweet words," Lethe said with a smile. The curve of his exquisite lips was strangely eerie as he leaned close to my ear. "Say a few more, and perhaps I will be pleased."

But I could not speak. I could only shut my eyes tightly and bite my lip.

"Tell me: when humans mate, is it for reproduction, or for feeling?" he asked.

"Both." I drew in deep breaths, feeling his movements never once stop.

"And with me..."

"You are... you are my master, of course..."

"Only that?" Another ruthless motion left me nowhere to escape.

"I... I... don't... don't do this to me... You really have misunderstood me..."

Tears blurred my vision into a haze. I almost wanted to cry. The inability to explain myself made me feel equally desolate.

"Is that so? Then why do I feel no misunderstanding in my fingers?"

"Master, I really... I..." My mind had become a complete tangle, and I hated myself for it.

I hated myself for becoming like this.

So long as I breathed in the intoxicating male scent of him drawing near, my mind would collapse without my consent.

What I thought was no different from what a female beast would think.

I hated that I did not feel human at this moment.

Even if I wanted to explain, I could not untie the knot in this incomprehensible mind of mine.

Until... without another word, without making a sound, I was flushed and trembling, and all I could do was endure.

He had not even truly touched me. Just his hands alone were enough to send me tumbling into hell.

In the end, the storm passed as it always did. I was still shivering in submission, as if lost to my senses, grateful for what he had given me.

"Look at you," Lethe said, narrowing his eyes.

My face felt so hot it was almost about to burst, yet I could not explain a single thing.

I knew what I must look like now... but even knowing that, I still could not change it.

I had changed too much. Lethe knew me too well.

He knew exactly how to make me yield, how easily to make me lose myself; and when he smiled softly and spoke words that hurt, I would still remain bewildered, still take pleasure in it.

After a long while, I hung limply from that small rope, my whole body weight suspended between the rope and Lethe.

There was not a shred of strength left in my legs, and the rope made my wrists ache, so without thinking I pressed close to him.

What was laughable was that even then, the one I depended on was still him.

"I truly do not understand," Lethe said suddenly, shaking his head. "Do you want offspring? Apart from not giving you that, what have I ever denied you?"

"All this nonsense..." I breathed shallowly, too weak to argue with him.

"What a pity... I already gave that to you long ago, too..." He sighed, whispering into my ear. "I once regretted it, fearing you would not be able to endure carrying a savage beast's young. But now it seems that giving you proper suffering was the right thing. You are better suited to staying home and obediently bearing cubs."

At those words, my stiffened body finally reacted. "What did you say? No, no! I do not want that! I won't!"

"What? Bearing me a little cub is such a burden? You were going to bear one for him?"

"T-That... I only... I am only afraid! I..."

"You, carrying my cub in your belly, and going to another man?" Lethe laughed, and the sound was as bleak and dreadful as ever.

"I did not mate with him! I did not!" I was truly panicking now. This was no trivial matter.

"Of course I know you did not!" he said fiercely, narrowing his eyes. "Otherwise I would not even touch you now!"

"I—"

By then, I was thoroughly confused.

Part of me was startled by the thought that there might really be something little growing inside my belly... no, not little. A savage beast!

And part of me wondered what on earth this was all about.