Chapter 111: Silver Soul (Earth Arc)

"Greetings, audience! We have reached the most thrilling moment of the third round. Both the Takamagahara and abc.dotch teams have finished their drinks, and now they must face the three judges in an arm-wrestling match. Let’s get a word from our judges on how they’re feeling."

"First, Ms. Okakura, do you think your strength is enough to defeat the gentlemen across from you?"

"Well, this..." Okakura Takeshi glanced at the table, where a wooden box of tissues sat. She picked it up, shook it at the emcee, and asked, "It’s fine if I break this, right?"

"Ah, yes, of course..."

*Crack! Snap!* Before the emcee could even finish, Okakura crushed the wooden box. Within seconds, it was reduced to splinters that scattered onto the floor, only to be swept away by a breeze.

"That was just a small demonstration. I don’t suppose the gentlemen across from me would be intimidated by a little trick like that," Okakura said, brushing the fragments from her hands with a smile.

Across the table, Gintoki and Okita’s faces turned grim. If the first one was this brutal, how were they supposed to handle the other two?

"Hahaha, Ms. Okakura is quite something! Next, let’s interview our second judge, Ms. Otae. How are you feeling, Ms. Otae?" The microphone was extended toward her.

"I’m actually a bit worried, as my strength isn't really that great..." Otae said, gently chopping her hand down onto the wooden judge’s table.

*BOOM!* A crack appeared in the middle of the table, spreading rapidly until the entire piece of furniture split in two.

"..." The emcee.
"..." The Takamagahara team.
"..." The abc.dotch team.

Can these women let a man live?

After Otae’s demonstration, Saigo instinctively rolled up his sleeves and balled his fists, preparing to smash the stage itself, assuming it was his turn to demonstrate.

"Wait! Madam Saigo, that’s enough! The demonstration is over, let’s start the match!" The emcee quickly intervened. If the stage were destroyed, how could the competition continue?

"Is that so? What a pity. Well, fine, I’ll just go and have some 'fun' with those handsome young men," Saigo said, rolling his sleeves back down.

"Alright, the third round continues. Will the remaining five contestants please come forward? We will randomly select participants to compete against the judges."

Once the emcee finished, the members of Takamagahara and abc.dotch stepped up. Takamagahara had Gintoki and Okita left, while abc.dotch had a full team of three: No. 1, No. 6, and No. 9.

"The five contestants are in position. Let’s draw the first one. The big screen is rolling—who will be the first to face our three judges?"

"One, two, three, stop!"

"No. 9! No. 9 from abc.dotch has been selected!"

No. 9 was a handsome Amanto with short red hair and pointed ears. He hesitated for a moment before stepping toward the (newly replaced) judge’s table. His first opponent was Saigo. As their hands gripped together, No. 9 suddenly spoke.

"It is truly an honor to compete against such a beautiful woman as Madam Saigo. If you don't mind, would you go on a date with me after the match?" He offered a gentle smile that sent the female audience into a frenzy of screams.

"Oh my, what a sweet-talker you are!" Madam Saigo was instantly charmed.

Result: No. 9 wins.

The match against Otae began...

"Ms. Otae, your outfit is so elegant today. Truly, you are the No. 1 hostess of Kabukicho. I’ve always admired you. With you around, it’s no wonder Kabukicho is always so lively."

No. 9 vs. Otae: No. 9 wins.

Next was No. 9 versus Okakura Takeshi. After watching the first two matches, Okakura told herself she absolutely must not be swayed by this kid’s sweet talk...

"As expected of Ms. Okakura. Just sitting across from you, I can feel your sharp, piercing beauty. Before the match has even begun, I already want to surrender..."

"..." Okakura thought to herself that those words actually sounded quite pleasant.

Okakura Takeshi vs. No. 9: No. 9 wins.

"Emcee! This is rigged! I demand a change of judges!" Gintoki roared, pointing at the trio on stage. It was blatantly obvious those women were going easy on him!

"Protest denied. In this competition, the judges' word is law. Therefore, the abc.dotch team is awarded three points," the emcee dismissed Gintoki’s grievance.

"Alright, the next match begins. abc.dotch has taken a three-point lead. Takamagahara, you need to step it up! The screen is rolling again."

"One, two, three, stop! The contestant selected is Mr. Sakata from Takamagahara!"

"Right, my turn." Gintoki walked up with confidence. After watching the previous round, he had learned his lesson: didn't those women love hearing nice things? Smooth-talking was his specialty.

Gintoki vs. Saigo. As the first match began, Gintoki looked up at Saigo, trying to think of the perfect thing to say to please him...

"Your makeup looks great today..."

"Who’s wearing makeup?! This is natural beauty!"

*BANG!* Saigo slammed Gintoki’s entire head onto the table.

First match: Saigo wins.

Second match: Gintoki vs. Otae. With one side of his face swollen, he pondered how to please this "female gorilla."

"Otae..."

*BANG!* Before he could finish, Otae pinned him down. Gintoki’s head smashed a hole straight through the table.

"Wh-why?! I didn't even say anything yet!" Gintoki roared, pulling his head out of the hole.

Otae didn't explain; she just smiled at him while the dark aura behind her grew thicker.

"..." Gintoki silently stood up and walked away.

Second match: Otae wins.

Third match: A battered, bloody Gintoki sat before Okakura Takeshi. He flashed a flattering smile and leaned in to whisper, "Takeshi, please, let me win this one. I’ll treat you to dinner after."

"Oh? And what are you going to treat me to, Gin-san?" Okakura asked curiously.

"Chocolate parfaits, strawberry cake, dango, Uji Gintoki bowls..."

"..." Okakura realized these were all things he wanted to eat! Asking her to dinner was clearly an afterthought!

*BANG!* This time, Gintoki was slammed right off the stage. Third match: Okakura Takeshi wins.

"Boss, you're truly useless. You lost all three matches," Okita said, narrowing his eyes as Gintoki trudged off the stage in disgrace.

"Shut up! Those three up there are monsters! You’d be the same if you went up there!" Gintoki snapped, flushed with rage.

Then, it was Okita’s turn. Gintoki watched with morbid curiosity, expecting Okita to fail, but to his shock, Okita actually won!

After Okita stepped down, Gintoki rushed over. "What happened? How did you beat those three monsters?"

"Boss, I’m not like you. Didn't I say? Sometimes a little sacrifice is necessary for victory," Okita said, pulling a stack of dessert and beauty salon vouchers from his pocket.

"..." Gintoki and the emcee looked on. There was definitely some under-the-table dealing going on!

However, despite Okita’s desperate attempt to turn the tide with his vouchers, abc.dotch ultimately won. Saigo was fond of the remaining two handsome men, Otae was charmed by their flattery, and even Okakura couldn't help but be swayed by their smooth words.

The third round ended with a score of 9:3 in favor of abc.dotch.

"Alright, the current score is 2:1, with abc.dotch in the lead. We are moving on to the fourth round. Takamagahara, you need to pull yourselves together—if you lose this round, you're out of chances!"

"We begin the fourth round. As we’ve said, the most important trait for a host is the ability to please women. Only when they are happy will they spend money. Therefore, this round is a test of—eloquence!"

"Will both teams please select three participants? You will need to come up here and try to make three women happy."

"First is Ms. Hanada Nanako, forty-eight. Her husband cheated on her, and she is feeling very depressed. She needs comfort from a host." A plump lady in heavy makeup and a floral dress waddled up, frowning and sighing, clearly miserable.

"Second is Ms. Yamazaki Ayako, a twenty-year-old office worker. She has been dealing with workplace harassment and feels lost. She needs our hosts to guide her." A young woman in a uniform stepped onto the stage.

"Third is a twelve-year-old loli named Kurosaki Ichigo. She is upset because her mother ate her favorite strawberry pudding—the very pudding that allows her to transform into a 'Soul Reaper Witch.' Without it, she can't transform, and the 'White Dye' from the Soul Realm is already making moves on her! Please, hosts, comfort her!"

"..." Okakura Takeshi.

What is going on with the last one? Is this a crossover between *Hana to Yume* and *Shonen Jump*? And what’s with "Kurosaki Ichigo"? That’s clearly Ichigo Kurosaki! And "White Dye" from the Soul Realm? That’s definitely Aizen!

"Kurosaki Ichigo! It’s actually Kurosaki Ichigo!" Shinpachi suddenly became excited. He grabbed his autograph book and rushed toward the loli with the yellow ponytail. "Ichigo-chan, I’ve always been a fan! Could I please have your autograph?"

The girl known as Kurosaki Ichigo slowly looked up. When she saw Shinpachi, her eyes widened.

"Anyone wearing glasses is just a pre-transformation White Dye! Die, White Dye! I’ll punish you in the name of the strawberry pudding!" The loli roared and kicked Shinpachi flying.

"..." Okakura.
"..." Gintoki.
"..." Kagura.
"..." Okita.
"..." Kondo.
"..." Kyoshiro.
"..." Kyubei.
"..." Otae.
"..." The emcee.

Is this really not *Bleach*?