Chapter Thirty: Falling into the Abyss

Afternoon, Fixed Wing District.

Inside a beverage shop beside the commercial street sat Cardesia, her face dark as charcoal; Qin Qianbai, utterly despondent; and Kira, completely at a loss.

Three glasses of iced coffee stood on the small round table, ordered by a certain fashionable university girl to cool her anger.

Cardesia grabbed her drink and downed half of it in one go. Slamming the glass bottle onto the table, she shouted furiously, “What the hell is wrong with those two idiots!”

“Kyaa, Cardesia!!”

Miss Kira hurriedly tried to calm her down. In stark contrast to the blonde was the young lady, nearly ashen with despair. She pushed her coffee aside, lowering her head bit by bit.

“I’m sorry… I ruined everything…”

“Kyaa, Qianbai!!”

Kira, flustered, supported the girl, who lay motionless on the table like a lump of dough, completely dispirited.

“It’s not your fault, Xiao Qian. Who describes a girl as a wild animal? I told Gongsun Ce about this long ago, and yet today he actually dared to keep calling her a bear! It’s not just you—listening to it made me mad too!”

Cardesia seemed even angrier now. Kira suddenly recalled what the gray-haired youth had said earlier.

—“I think you should calm down and choose your words properly to explain the situation, rather than using such rude terms out of personal bias.”

—“Why would you use a word like ‘bear’ to describe a lady you don’t even know?”

She anxiously tried to defend him, “No, it’s not like that! Gongsun Ce always remembers—”

“Ace knows. Anyone familiar with Cardesia knows this.”

Never call that girl “Red Lion.”

And, while at it, never use words like tiger, bear, or leopard to describe girls in front of her.

It was a rule the four of them followed instinctively, just as one would never mention the kingdom’s collapse in front of Gongsun Ce, never press Shiyu Lianyi about her past, nor inquire into Qin Qianbai’s origins. Such mutually respected, modest requests were hardly too much.

Thinking of this, Qin Qianbai sank further into gloom.

She had only wanted to point out his double standard, yet he kept calling her “bear” over and over. Ace must have been angry because of the earlier fight; otherwise, why would he act like this?

But she had no right to blame him either, for she herself was infuriated at that moment… And in the end, things turned out the way they did.

The young lady said sorrowfully, “Cardesia, I’ve ruined my own love.”

She was so dejected that she forgot to conceal her true feelings.

With a sour face, the lady in the top hat replied, “What a coincidence—my romance is over too! Now we can form the Broken Hearts Duo!”

Qin Qianbai and Kira both looked up at her.

“What’s with those looks?”

Kira spoke for both, “We thought you…”

Cardesia took off her hat and thumped it onto the table.

“Ah yes, that’s right, I do like him! I’ve liked him for a long time! But Lianyi has absolutely no interest in me, so I long ago gave up those thoughts! I’ll just be a big-sisterly friend, that’s all!”

She finished off her coffee, then snatched Qin Qianbai’s untouched cup for another gulp.

“And what happened?! Today that guy made a big show of inviting me out, even risking making a fool of himself. I really thought he’d finally gotten a clue and was going to ask me on a date… But in the end, he told me it was an early April Fools’ game! Did you see how happy he was, finally acting like someone his own age? How wonderful for you, Lianyi!”

Having vented in one breath, Cardesia seemed even angrier. She turned to stare out at the street, her words filled with negative energy.

“So be it. I was just deluding myself.”

Qin Qianbai had nothing to say. She longed to tell her that her assumptions weren’t wrong, but the one who had said those undeniable words in the end was Shiyu Lianyi himself.

“It’s all my fault,” Kira said guiltily. “If it weren’t for me—”

“It’s not your fault, Kira.” Cardesia ruffled her hair roughly. “Don’t take on someone else’s mistakes.”

At that moment, Cardesia’s phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID and saw Lianyi’s name.

She promptly turned her phone off.

The three of them fell into silence.

And so the angry grew angrier, the despondent sank deeper, and the self-reproachful became more burdened with guilt.

·

Afternoon, Fixed Wing District.

A few hundred meters from the building stood a man-made scenic spot, newly built last year. An artificial river ran through it, and the sloped grassy banks alongside looked like something familiar to any anime fan.

The two young men, both scorched as charcoal, sat on the grass. Their faces were blackened, their hair dry and brittle, their entire bodies reeking of burnt odors; when they opened their mouths, faint curls of black smoke seemed to escape.

In the end, Shiyu Lianyi gave the pair tickets Kira had given him to Miles as a gift, to make it up to the middle schooler who’d been dragged into the mess. Afterward, the three delinquents and the middle schooler commiserated, then each went their separate ways.

Had Gongsun Ce seen his friend hand over his Walkman, who knows what he might have done. Unfortunately, the young man was busy finding a parking spot at that moment, so their efforts came to nothing, and the Walkman returned to its “original owner.”

Shiyu Lianyi was making a call, but when he heard the prompt that the line was off, he silently put the phone away.

Plop.

Gongsun Ce picked up a pebble and tossed it into the river. It made a quick splash and vanished.

Shiyu Lianyi remained silent.

The gray-haired youth picked up another pebble and threw it hard into the stream; this time it sank straight to the bottom.

“Damn it.”

He flopped down on the grass.

His good friend still showed no reaction.

Gongsun Ce crushed the third pebble into dust. Tossing the fragments to the ground, he cursed, “What the hell were you thinking?! I admit I screwed up today—didn’t expect so many mishaps—but we were all sincerely trying to help you!”

“I know. Thank you.”

Gongsun Ce grew more exasperated. “Then can you tell me what you were thinking at the end? Saying something so awful just to piss her off? Did you find it funny?! If you want a joke, just look at me!”

“It’s not funny.”

His friend now seemed completely withdrawn.

Gongsun Ce clenched his fists, stood up, and said, “You know I never pry, friend. But today I can’t help it. Is confessing really that hard?! Is telling her you like her so humiliating?! Even if you’re unlucky enough to be rejected—”

“Then it’s over.”

Shiyu Lianyi said this calmly.

“My relationship with her would never return to what it is now. Compared to that, I’d rather let it be a cruel joke, and after the anger subsides, beg for her forgiveness.”

The gray-haired youth looked at the man who had once saved his life as if meeting him for the first time.

Gongsun Ce had never found his friend so unfamiliar. His fists clenched and relaxed, again and again, until finally he sat back down on the grass.

“What are you thinking?”

His friend gazed at the river, so intently as if seeing his own past in its waters.

“When I first arrived in the City of the Firmament, I knew nothing.”

“I had no common sense, no money. All I’d learned at the institute was how to hurt myself and others. At that time, the Equilibrium Curse couldn’t be used to help anyone—it was a spell born of malice, just like me…”

“Ugly, filthy, evil, unbearable to look at.”

Gongsun Ce remembered his friend’s origins, the scars hidden beneath the outer garments.

He always thought of the other as his friend, Shiyu Lianyi, yet often forgot his past. This man was also a Shiyu, a capricious magus like Shiyu Ling…

Born from ill-omened places, a tabooed outcast.

“I was disheveled, wrapped in rags, my heart full of cold, selfish thoughts. I stood in the dazzling sunlight, beholding a world I’d never seen. This place was so much bigger than the institute, no bloodstains or filth on the walls, the people well-dressed and bright, no cold white lab coats, no one wanted to hurt me, no more experiments… It felt like paradise.”

“But soon enough, I discovered the looks people gave me were the same—aloof, indifferent, hostile, malicious… I realized the City of the Firmament was no different from the Shiyu Institute; the emotions in both my kind and the researchers could be felt here as well.”

“I was in despair, but it seemed only natural. Maybe that’s just how humanity is, and I myself am hardly likable. I have always been a detestable existence… I am Shiyu.”

“And then, she appeared before me.”

Shiyu Lianyi’s lips curved into a smile as he recounted his past.

“She came over, pinching her nose, and asked where I was from, whether my appearance was due to my abilities, whether I had any family or friends… I didn’t understand why she wanted to approach me, especially when she herself found me unappealing. I didn’t talk to her, just walked off in some random direction. But as you know, Cardesia is so stubborn, enthusiastic, and kind…”

Gongsun Ce sighed, “And so she brought you home.”

The suited youth nodded.

“I… had never met anyone like her. Someone who, despite feeling uneasy about me, still chose to approach. I wanted to keep my distance, but she said she found me interesting. She bought me food, took me to her home to rest, and tried to help me, offering a kindness I’d almost never known… I didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know what to do…”

“All I thought then was, I don’t want her to hate me.”

“I wanted to make myself less detestable—at least, not make her look so troubled.”

“I told Cardesia all this, using telepathy. She was amazed and said a lot—I can hardly remember it now. That night, she gave me a suit. She said suits were clean, tidy, and handsome—no one would dislike that.”

From then on, Shiyu Lianyi wore a suit every day before others.

“I learned so many things, so many. At last, I could stand proudly by her side. The looks people gave me were no longer so cold. Later, I met you, met Qin Qianbai—I gained friends, received even more kindness… Heavy, precious kindness.”

He spoke in a low voice.

“To Cardesia, I am a close friend—she sees herself as my big sister or perhaps a guide. I feel helpless, but my life is so beautiful—what more could I ask for?”

“I dare not take a step forward, because one mistake and we can never return to how things were. The moment I confess, our relationship will change. It might get better, but it’s more likely to get worse. I can’t imagine a life estranged from her, and I absolutely don’t want that world…”

He gazed absently at the sky.

“The first spark of light seen in the darkness—that is everything to one in despair.”

Gongsun Ce said in frustration, “How do you know you’ll…”

He remembered how much this man cared about his appearance, how he didn’t want to be hated as he once was.

He remembered the man’s description of his arrival, and the moment he met the blonde girl.

He began to understand his friend’s thoughts.

In his eyes, Shiyu Lianyi was that dashing, handsome, slightly cunning yet reliable man.

Yet in Shiyu Lianyi’s own eyes, he would forever be the scarred, shunned Shiyu.

“You know my past, Gongsun,” he said calmly. “But Cardesia knows nothing of it. I can’t tell her those absurd, distant stories from an island she has nothing to do with, or about the many unfortunate childhoods. I can’t let someone so kind as her be touched by such darkness… Never, never.”

“I am Shiyu. I am ugly, bloodstained, cursed. I would bring her danger; she’d be afraid of the real me. I shouldn’t stand by her side, nor should she come into contact with someone like me.”

He lowered his head, utterly alone—like an abandoned child—but stubbornly refused to let any loneliness show.

“How could I ever tell her I love you.”

Gongsun Ce was silent for a long time.

If you’re like this, why bother with romance? Why ask us for help? If you’re so tormented, why not stay away from her? Go be lonely somewhere else and let her live happily alone… These thoughts flashed through his mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to utter such hurtful words. He understood his friend. Though he was far more fortunate than Shiyu, at this moment, he truly grasped his friend’s heart.

The eloquent young man found nothing useful to say.

All he could do was reach out, pat his friend’s back, and offer a meaningless comfort.

“Try to look on the bright side. I don’t hate you, and I’m sure she won’t either.”

“Thank you, Gongsun.”

You’re a genius—remember it in a second: Red Sweet Spring.