Reflections on Publication

Today is May 1st, and it’s time for “The Esper” to be released. To be honest, I feel rather lost. In the past, when I read novels, I skimmed through the authors’ release notes countless times, never paying much attention to those words. Back then, all I cared about were the stories and plots; the authors’ thoughts and feelings meant little to me—I had never imagined there would come a day when I’d write a novel myself, let alone pen a release note of my own.

So when my editor told me it was time to go live, I truly felt adrift. I’ve never had this experience before… After all, this is my first novel. Doubt fills me; lying in bed at night, I ask myself: are my words worth readers paying to read?

This is not a worldly concern, but the sharpest question for any creator. When I used to write posts on forums, I never had to worry about such things. Those posts were free to read, and whether they turned out good or bad, it never weighed heavily on my heart: we were all just in it for fun—there was no need to be too hard on myself.

But now, well, I still write out of passion. Yet the sense of responsibility is so much heavier than before. I can no longer blame a poorly received plot on randomness; I have to admit, albeit reluctantly, that it’s all due to my own lack of skill. I must find a way to tell more engaging stories—otherwise, how could I face the readers who follow this book? At the same time, anxiety creeps in. I worry that when I wake up the next day, there will be very few subscribers, and my spirits will crash to the point of wanting to give up… These feelings—be they dark or mundane—are genuinely present within me. Even if I write for my own joy, such thoughts inevitably arise.

Still, as we always say, stories must go on! I don’t dwell on these things day and night; most of the time, I’m happy thanks to readers’ comments and my own tales. I am encouraged yet disheartened, reluctant to admit fault yet eager to improve—humans are such contradictory creatures. Only through this repeated self-reflection and review can I make any real progress.

Back to this book itself. Writing a novel is truly different from writing forum posts; it’s only recently that I’ve managed to change some of my old bad habits. Writing original fiction is also unlike writing fanfiction. I rack my brains to create something “original,” only to find that the characters and settings often bear traces of stories I’ve read before. This can be disheartening, but then I remind myself that I set out to write a story like the light novels I once loved—so it’s only natural that echoes of my favorites appear here. The work that’s influenced me most is “A Certain Magical Index”—after all, I genuinely love it.

Yet homage is homage, and the story is its own. In this book, I want to try out every type of story I love: for example, the first volume’s psychic battles, and this volume’s romantic slice-of-life comedy—each arc offers something different, and that makes writing all the more enjoyable for me. The main plot is a classic one: boys and girls with special powers embark on adventures, uncover the true nature of their world step by step, and in the end, save the world while achieving their own growth.

It’s pure adolescent fantasy, pure “anime” energy—and I love it.

So whether I’m building the world’s setting or writing the main text, I am truly happy. Just like before, if my stories can bring joy and amusement to others, I feel I’m doing something worthwhile. And if you’re willing to subscribe and support the story, that makes me all the happier.

That’s all I wanted to say. I’ll continue to write my novel with care and dedication. There’ll be a new chapter at noon today, and another one this evening. Thank you all!