Chapter Sixty: Who Am I?

“Good evening, Gongsun Ce.”

Qiluo would never speak like that.

Or rather, this was how she originally spoke.

Gongsun Ce searched for the name of a certain idol on his phone. The first result on the search engine was a fan-written encyclopedia entry, accompanied by a picture of a slender black-haired woman.

The photo showed her with delicate features, dressed in a simple, elegant dress, singing passionately under the stage spotlight.

“Stepping on Stars.”

No one would associate the idol in the photo with the girl in the pavilion. Their appearances differed, and their temperaments were worlds apart. Even Shiyu Ling and Alice looked more alike than these two.

Mo Yuankai had looked up this idol’s real name that afternoon; it sounded not only ordinary but somewhat rustic.

Gongsun Ce put away his phone and stood firm inside the pavilion.

“Should I address you as Miss Qiluo, Miss Xingli… or would it be more polite to use your real name?”

The pink-haired girl turned back, her smile gentle, her gaze soft.

“I’m an idol. Everyone wants to see in me the side they crave, and fulfilling that desire is my job. You can call me whatever you like, as long as you’re comfortable.”

He found it hard to adjust to her tone. It was as if the silly girl who played around in the yard every day suddenly declared one day that she was a doctoral postdoc at a prestigious university. The shock from the contrast was stronger than any doubt about truth or lies.

He then remembered they hadn’t known each other long. The few days since they met were less than one two-thousandth of the girl’s life.

What he knew was only the Qiluo of these recent days. How could he say she had become a stranger?

“I’ll still call you Miss Qiluo.”

“All right~ Then, when did you figure out our true identities?”

The gray-haired youth recalled their conversation that afternoon.

Pinpointing the girl’s identity wasn’t difficult.

Qiluo’s name came from an unreleased album—a new album by the popular idol Xingli.

Xingli’s voice bore no resemblance to Qiluo’s. However, Mo Yuankai found the audition recordings from years ago when Xingli first entered the idol selection.

Back then, her voice was clear but not as enchanting as the famous idol’s later voice. Instead, it was identical to Qiluo’s singing voice.

With this clue, tracing further was much easier. They quickly uncovered secret dealings between Xingli’s agency and the Cecil Laboratory. At that point, the whole event nearly revealed itself.

“Mr. Gongsun, I’m an experienced psychic. I had a pretty good guess when we met.”

“Qiluo” exclaimed, “Really? Amazing!”

You actually believed that.

Apparently, some things never change, no matter how different the personality.

“I won’t ask why you traded with the White Coat…” Gongsun Ce began out of habit but then changed his mind. “Forget it, if you’re interested, you can tell me. If not, then never mind.”

“Talking to you is fine… but, I…”

“I promise to keep it secret.”

“Thank you. I think I’ll tell everyone after some time!”

Qiluo patted her chest with relief, then quickly withdrew her hand, shyly saying, “This outfit is too revealing.”

It’s good you finally realized that.

Next time, can you wear something more ordinary to the club activities?

“My story, Qiluo’s story, is neither romantic nor inspirational…” The girl lowered her head. “I’m just an empty-headed fool.”

·

The entire incident unfolded almost exactly as Gongsun Ce had expected.

A girl with musical dreams repeatedly failed to pass auditions.

When she was about to give up, a researcher from Cecil Laboratory handed her a contract.

“Work with us, and you can realize your dreams.”

She had heard advice from friends and teachers, but she truly didn’t want to abandon her dream.

The girl signed the contract, making a foolish decision.

With ample financial support and a modified singing voice, her career flourished. The cost was that all the songs she sang were designed as “perfect products,” and all her spare time outside performances was used to assist Cecil’s experiments.

Cecil Laboratory chose Xingli because they had their eyes on her supernatural ability.

Xingli’s power was called “Doppelgänger,” the ability to summon another self.

The doppelgänger created by this ability absorbed environmental information, thus possessing a different personality and slightly different appearance: summoned in a shopping mall, it appeared fashionable; summoned in an alley, its demeanor turned gloomy… When merging back, the doppelgänger’s memories and feelings were transferred to the original self.

It was a non-combat ability. Previously, Xingli only occasionally used the doppelgänger to attend school.

Dr. Cecil was interested in the “information absorption” trait.

The ability required not only the original body’s information but also that from the environment. The so-called doppelgänger was essentially a black box that transformed information into life.

If they could decipher the mechanism of the doppelgänger, could they uncover an alternative principle for the birth of informational life?

If they could rewrite the “personal information” generating the doppelgänger through technology, letting other information overwrite Xingli’s personality…

Could they create a human completely different from the original—an experimental subject with personality and abilities preset to perfection?

·

“As the experiment progressed, the environment where I summoned the doppelgänger changed constantly. Two weeks ago, I tried summoning another self in a virtual reality created by high-precision equipment. After replacing my entire known world with a simulated realm of zeros and ones, the doppelgänger that appeared was completely different from before…”

Coincidentally, that was the day the Glaze Disaster struck.

Emergency energy-switching tests caused an accident in the experiment. In conclusion, Xingli fell unconscious before merging with her doppelgänger, and the temporarily separated doppelgänger gained control of the physical body’s consciousness.

Thus, Xingli’s original consciousness became a life form made of information, created through the psychic black box—a being born able to manipulate informational data.

“My consciousness fell into slumber. You know what happened afterward.”

·

The informational life form possessed the ability to manipulate all environmental information.

At the moment Qiluo was born, she learned the truth of the doppelgänger experiment and the researchers’ plan to erase her personality.

She chose to run away.

As a physical entity, she could hardly escape pursuit. To become a virtual entity composed only of environmental information, she had to discard vast amounts of personal data—that is, abandon self-definition and most memories.

The key to her survival between virtual and real existed in whether she retained clear self-awareness.

Who am I?

What kind of person am I?

In the end, the newly born Qiluo made her choice—

·

“So you gave up your memories, became a virtual body, and escaped?”

“Yes.”

“And the guitar?”

“It’s part of my will. If I had to give an example, it’s like the clothes I wear.”

“Qiluo” concluded, “That’s it. Nothing special. Just the story of an ordinary, ignorant fool who was punished for greed and shortsightedness.”

After confessing everything, the pink-haired girl fell silent, awaiting the young man’s judgment like a criminal before trial.

Nothing special. Not romantic at all.

“Self-inflicted” was the perfect phrase for her.

She heard Gongsun Ce say,

“Then is this outfit also a result of informational interference?”

“……………Huh?”

“I can usually see through information manipulation, so if I look closely, maybe I can see through this outfit too—”

Qiluo blushed and shouted, “You can’t see through it! This is the outfit I had when I appeared!”

“I was wondering if you could just change your clothes with your own effort.”

“Why are you so fixated on my clothes!!”

Gongsun Ce turned his head and said, “Well, saying whether you can change your body shape, skin color, or hair color would be rather rude.”

Qiluo clutched her dress and yelled, “That’s already rude enough! You pervert!!”

“Finally, you slipped up.”

Gongsun Ce flicked his fingers. Snap!

“Ugh!” The pink-haired girl clapped her forehead.

“If it were the old Miss Xingli speaking to me, hearing such a question, she’d respond professionally—warn me about sexual harassment, threaten to call a lawyer, things like that. She’d be the only person I’ve seen shout ‘pervert’ like an animated character.”

“That’s our shared habit…”

“Where does this ‘our’ come from? After merging, the so-called doppelgängers return to the same personality, don’t they?”

The mechanism of the ability doesn’t change.

Even though Qiluo’s complex amnesia resulted from the accident, now that her memories had returned, she wouldn’t suffer from split personalities.

Changing hairstyle and demeanor might look like a personality switch, but in reality…

Gongsun Ce summarized, “It’s all your acting. As expected from a skilled idol, your acting is really impressive.”

Besides, you slipped up the moment you greeted me with your full name—it gave you away from the start.

“Ughhh!!!”

Qiluo wildly waved her hands, her face growing even redder. “Don’t say that!!”

The gray-haired youth sat down on the other side of the pavilion.

“So, why pretend to have multiple personalities? Could it be that after regaining memories, you found you weren’t as pure as you imagined, but filled with worldly desires, so you gave up and made a clear division in front of others?”

Like shouting through a megaphone: “Look! This personality is the old me, and this one you know is the new me! Don’t confuse the two!”

He looked up to gauge the girl’s expression.

Qiluo hid her face in her palms, indicating he’d guessed right.

“Don’t be so childish, okay?”

“I don’t want to talk to Gongsun Ce anymore…”

The girl curled up her legs just like when on the street, hugging her knees like a pitiful little animal cast out from home.

“That’s quite a blow.”

“After regaining memories, I can’t even believe if I’m still myself.”

Qiluo murmured, “My appearance and body have changed… my personality too. I subconsciously want to speak and act in ways I like now…”

“Even with all my past memories, can I still claim to be the old Xingli?”

Am I still me?

He recalled a philosophical thought experiment—the Ship of Theseus.

As the ship sailed, damaged planks were replaced one by one. After a long time, someone asked:

“How many planks have you replaced? Is it still the same ship as when it set sail?”

No crew member could answer.

Just as no one could tell Qiluo whether she was still her old self.

Her appearance changed, personality changed, speech changed. The memories proving her identity remained—but was that the only decisive factor? She could be a different person with the same memories, a cyber ghost occupying the original consciousness—equally reasonable.

Following this line of thought, he thought of himself.

What of the individual named Gongsun Ce? His heart had been replaced two weeks ago, one of his abilities was the Impermanence Technique granted by others, his wounds healed countless times with white matter. Who could say how much of his current body truly belonged to “Gongsun Ce”?

Was he still his old self?

He was a university student, not a scientist or philosopher. Questions unanswered by countless sages were beyond his ability to clarify.

So Gongsun Ce decided to answer the girl’s doubts simply and bluntly, in a student’s way.

“Qiluo, why did you give yourself this name after losing your memories?”

“…Actually, it was the first word I remembered. I subconsciously thought it was my name.”

“Then why did you keep singing after losing your memories?”

Qiluo huffed, “I always liked singing. Besides, I practiced a lot; I can’t forget the songs!”

The first word she recalled was the title of the new album.

Even forgetting the past, she hadn’t forgotten the songs she practiced daily.

With such dedication, even the harshest critic couldn’t deny she was an idol.

“I don’t know what you think yourself, but to me, regardless of amnesia or appearance—”

The Qiluo he knew was born from the experimental accident, a person who originally didn’t exist in reality.

But even a phantom-like being had things it couldn’t forget.

The pink-haired girl raised her head, her eyes reflecting the youth’s gentle smile.

“You’ve always been that idol who loves to sing.”

Qiluo whispered.

“…Do you like my songs?”

To be honest, Qiluo’s voice wasn’t as beautiful as Xingli’s.

But she wasn’t asking about quality—only preference.

In that case—

“I’m your fan, Miss Qiluo.”

The pink-haired girl stared at him, then suddenly threw herself at him.

“Thank you, Gongsun Ce!!”

“Even after regaining your memory, you’re still like this?! Miss Qiluo, I appreciate your kindness, but please consider my reputation!!”

“A fan’s killer move.”

“I shouldn’t have tried to act cool by saying that!!”

In the end, he had to use his psychic power to pull her away.

For some reason, the pink-haired girl looked very happy.

“Gongsun Ce, can I still stay in the club?”

“You just joined and want to quit? No way. President Caldicia won’t approve your leaving.”

“This is because of me that I became like this—”

“You’ve helped everyone so much, let’s call it even.”

“But I still feel…”

Qiluo seemed unable to let go completely. The psychic recalled his own excuse when leaving.

“By the way, I promised to buy popsicles for everyone. How about you treat us this time?”

“—Okay! Leave it to me!!” Qiluo paused, then laughed brightly. “When we get back, I’ll thank everyone!”

The psychic and the idol went to the convenience store in the neighborhood and bought a heap of popsicles. He started eating a chocolate-banana one.

“I have to say, you’re already quite used to our rhythm, Miss Qiluo.”

The idol imitated him, unwrapping a matcha popsicle and licking it. “After all, we’re friends, right?”

“At this point, calling me a stranger is pretty cold-hearted.”

“Then why do you still call me Miss Qiluo?”

She looked up at the gray-haired youth.

Her eyes curved warmly, her smile both pure and playfully professional.

“Call me Qiluo, okay?”

...Girls in show business really are something else.

Even with eyes that see through reality, it’s hard to read all the truth behind such smiles.

He thought this rude thought to himself, then silently nodded.