Chapter 131: Besides Him, You Have Me Behind You Too

I can no longer understand. I can no longer see through it. My heart is stirred. My heart aches. My heart is in pain. Yet, I am still unable to control those wanton, sprawling feelings. They are like vines that grow wildly at the touch of the wind, wrapping tightly around the love for him that she has nurtured deep within her heart, night after day.

Once, two hearts in love—now, they are like two hedgehogs. Drawing near, they prick each other, yet wound themselves in the process.

Gazing at him, she suddenly forgets the entire world. The scenes of her past with him play out before her like a film that has long been edited. Tears blur her vision, yet she can no longer find that old feeling. How could she ignore the weary look in his eyes?

Shen Yanlie longs to step forward and pull her into his arms, but he only walks up to her and raises his hand, wanting to stroke her soft hair. In the end, he lets it drop.

The strain in his smile and the bloodshot tint in his eyes make it impossible for her to let go.

Loving him—it happened the moment he slowly walked toward her. She never knew that loving someone could make one want to cry, could make one happy from the depths of one's soul because of his smile, could make one sad because of his neglect, could make one’s heart skip a beat because of his pause, could make the world suddenly feel vast and clear, with dark clouds parting, because of a single comforting word from him.

"Silly girl, wait. I'll cook for you." With a weary smile, Shen Yanlie quirks his lips and turns into the kitchen.

Does he love you? Ask your heart, do not ask your ears. Do you love him? Ask your tearful eyes, do not ask your smiling face.

In these days, she thinks silently, and often, in a blink, her face is covered in tears. Does he love me? She has asked herself. Yes, that is the answer she gives.

If he did not love her, how could he treat her with such tenderness? If he did not love her, how could he walk toward her so unfalteringly?

The month-long trip abroad made her clearly understand what affection is, and what love is.

From the moment he reached adulthood, he knew he had to be better than others. He held fast to that conviction, striving to make himself stronger. Business, schemes, tactics, insight, knowledge, culture, connections—what others had, he had to have. Whatever others were good at, he had to be better.

Now, at twenty-seven, he is already a formidable figure in the business world. Just watching him makes her heart flutter and ache.

In the past, her prejudice against him stemmed from a lack of understanding. His overbearing nature and his tactics were reasons for her to retreat, yet in the end, she stepped toward him, one step at a time.

She never imagined that if one day she were to drift away from him, her heart would ache to such a degree.

An addiction to poison can be broken, but love—how is one to break that?

***

That afternoon, Mai Xijun went to Shen Yanlie's home to pack her things and return to her own small apartment.

When she first moved into that home, she had only a few clothes she wore often and some daily necessities—very little. But when she walked out, she suddenly found that no matter how she packed, the things seemed endless.

Looking at the pile on the bed—many items she hadn't even had the chance to use, along with the things Shen Yanlie had others prepare for her in other rooms, and a nursery filled with toys, some of which she knew he had picked out himself—she felt overwhelmed.

There wasn't much Mai Xijun could take, so she only selected a few pieces and left the rest in his grand villa.

Walking out of the nursery, Mai Xijun’s gaze naturally fell upon the room opposite. That had once been a space exclusive to Xie Yunting. Now, it remained exactly as it had been from the start.

Yet, she could not clearly say when the chasm between them had begun to widen.

She was used to following her feelings and trusting them.

In the past, she did not believe in fate; later, she began to believe. But this time, would it be yet another trick or joke played by fate?

Those nights they had shared a bed—how could she not feel pain at the mere thought of them now?

Under her insistence, Shen Yanlie agreed to let her return to her own home. It was like a farce, a joke—rushing into his life, only to rush back to her own world.

A sense of helplessness welled up. Mai Xijun returned her belongings to their original places, thinking that in doing so, everything would return to its proper order. As she tidied up the clothes in the closet, she found a black suit lying quietly in the corner.

She slowly crouched down, picked up the garment from the bottom of the closet, and held it in her hand. Her mind flashed back to the moment he had draped it over her shoulders. She had thrown it into the bottom of the closet in a fit of anger, wanting it out of sight and out of mind. Seeing it again now, her mindset had changed.

Now, she finally realized that he was such a tender, warm, and gentle man—as soft as jade, as warm as spring.

When did she discover that beneath his indestructible exterior lay a man deep down who needed to be embraced and protected by love? Was it Yu Wensi who told her? Was it He Jingjing, who spoke with calculated, emotional words just to hit her hard and move her? Or was it...

Was it when she fled from his side to see Nian Yuchen while he was ill, and upon her return, saw him standing alone, pale and frail, leaning against the door waiting for her to come back? Was it from that moment that she decided to offer him her blood-red heart, to warm and burn him with her scarlet intensity?

Standing by the window, looking at the places where he often appeared and departed, she drifted into a daze.

When did it start? It must have been from the moment she watched his retreating back. She fell in love with him, so defenseless and vulnerable.

The chances of a man falling in love at first sight are high, but women often find themselves sinking deep into affection that grows over time, unable to pull themselves out. Mai Xijun was just like that. Every word and action of Shen Yanlie, every subtle gesture and expression, had become etched into her very bones, following her like a shadow.

Mai Xijun sighed silently, softly, without disturbing anyone—even she herself had barely noticed it.

Had her phone not rung, she would still have been lost in her own contemplation.

"Hello, who is this?"

"Hello, Miss Mai. Regarding Mr. Mo, whom you asked me to investigate, he currently has no records of leaving the country, nor has he left this city. According to unconfirmed reports, he was seen heading toward the mountains behind the Shilong District some time ago. As for what happened after that, all news of him has been completely cut off. The news ceased exactly fifty days ago, on the eighth of last month."

"I see. Thank you. If there is any new information, please notify me as soon as possible."

"Understood. Goodbye."

After hanging up, Mai Xijun began to think back carefully. This timing made her tremble. The eighth of last month was exactly the third day after Mo Shaoxing left Eurasia. What on earth happened during those three days? Why did he seem to have vanished from the face of the earth in such a short time?

Mai Xijun began to panic for no reason. She truly wanted to trust Shen Yanlie, but yet...

Mai Xijun hurriedly brought the phone back to her ear and dialed.

"Hello, Miss Mai. Are you calling to treat me to a meal, or is there some happy news you want to share so I can rejoice too?" Yu Wensi teased, his voice full of skeptical laughter. It was rare for Mai Xijun to take the initiative to call him; out of curiosity, he was genuinely hoping she had had a sudden change of heart.

"Yu Wensi, I am asking you something very seriously and carefully. You must consider it earnestly before you answer me." Mai Xijun’s tone was inexplicably heavy. This was a question concerning the life or death of her "Little Stone." It wasn't about heaven, but about the person she couldn't bear to lose in her heart. She knew clearly the importance of this question, especially after finding out that Little Stone had been fighting for her spot to go to France again. She knew then that she wasn't the only one moving forward in this world.

To have a Mo Shaoxing in one's life—the journey would never be lonely again.

"Go ahead and ask. As long as I, Yu Wensi, know the answer, I will never tell you a single word of falsehood, Miss Mai." Yu Wensi stepped away from the crowd. On his handsome face, there was a faint trace of sorrow in his brows. In fact, he had already guessed what she would ask. But the answer might plunge her into another kind of panic. Yet, only by knowing the truth would she find peace. Even if it took time, he was willing to tell her every single word of the truth.

"Where is Mo Shaoxing?" As soon as the words left her lips, Mai Xijun was startled by herself. She had clearly prepared her emotions, trying to appear more rational and calm, but her voice was so heavy that even Yu Wensi realized what this answer meant to her.

"He's dead." Yu Wensi did not hesitate at all. He gave her the answer within seconds of her voice fading.

Mai Xijun stumbled backward, losing her footing. Her back slammed into the unlocked closet with a "clatter." This made Yu Wensi on the other end tense up instantly. When he gave that answer, he had assumed his "Miss Mai" was prepared to hear it.

However, when he realized she was completely unable to bear it, he began to reproach himself, feeling the heavy burden of his conscience. Why did he have to tell her the truth? How cruel this was to her! He never wanted to see her hurt. He missed the vibrant, spirited girl she used to be so much.

"When did it happen?" Mai Xijun steadied herself against the closet door, one hand gripping the frame to keep from collapsing.

"It was last month." Yu Wensi lowered his gaze to his toes. Words of comfort seemed inappropriate at this moment. Besides, he had promised not to hide anything from her. "No matter what has happened, I hope you will be strong. You are not alone. You have Lie behind you. And, of course, you have me. I will always be your best friend, your most loyal brother."